Last Updated on October 13, 2022
People experience toxic relationships in different ways. Sometimes it can be tempting to stay in an unhealthy relationship, especially if you are emotionally dependent on your partner, too afraid to leave, or your self-esteem has been chipped away over time.
But how can we find the strength to leave a toxic relationship? And how can we begin to recover once we do? Though everyone heals in their own way, here are some tips to help speed up the process and get over your toxic ex for good.
- Embrace Your Emotions and Acknowledge That the Relationship Was Toxic
It’s easy to look back on old relationships fondly, whether healthy or not, and fail to see the complexities that led to their end. However, to get over a relationship’s end, we must first recognize and accept everything that went wrong within it.
There is a grieving process that occurs when one leaves any relationship, whether it is toxic or not. You must realize that the relationship was unhealthy and that getting out was in your best interest. The first step in recovery after a broken relationship is giving yourself permission, time, and space to feel and process your emotions.
2. Don’t Wait for an Apology or Closure
Maybe you’re keeping the door open for conversation with your ex because you’re hoping an apology from them will help you put the past behind you. The sad news is that waiting for an apology is draining and tiresome, and the apology might never come. The closure you want will not come from your toxic ex but through the healing work you do within yourself.
Only we can influence our development and willingness to change our current circumstances. However much we wish for someone else to alter their behavior, we must remember that it is ultimately up to that person to decide whether to do so.
3. Cut Contact With Your Ex and Set Clear Boundaries
It is human nature to want to reconnect with a former partner after a breakup, especially if the relationship was long-term and toxic. However, sometimes it’s necessary to take time apart and avoid all forms of communication. Communicating with your ex risks getting sucked back into the toxic cycle you’re trying to break away from.
Cutting communication means not checking their social media or asking mutual friends how your ex is doing. If you’re stressed out by your ex’s constant presence on social media, it’s OK to block their account entirely.
You must also set clear boundaries and ensure your ex knows you’re done. Although it may feel uncomfortable at the time, setting clear boundaries and establishing expectations for how you and your ex will deal with each other after the breakup can make everything a lot simpler in the long run.
4. Create a Positive Support Network
It’s essential to spend time with positive folks. Cliché, as it may seem, putting yourself in an environment full of positive people may do wonders for your mood. A support system will include friends, family, support groups, a therapist, and others.
Keep yourself occupied with people you can confide in. Toxic relationships isolate people, so it is an excellent time to reach out to old friends and make some new ones. When feeling down, try reaching out to your tribe instead of isolating yourself or contacting your ex.
5. Find Your Authentic Self Again
After dedicating so much time and energy to a relationship, people often lose touch with who they are and what makes them happy. The key to recovery is reclaiming your worth and accepting that you are worthy of a loving connection.
To some extent, it’s necessary to “detox” from the shared ideals and values you’ve developed and reacquaint yourself with your individuality. After ending a toxic partnership, focus on yourself and your happiness by engaging in the activities that bring you the most joy.
6. Make Time to Take Care of Yourself
When people are involved in toxic relationships, it’s common for them to cease prioritizing their health and well-being. Instead, after the end of a relationship, you should focus on spending more time on yourself and engaging in activities that you genuinely enjoy.
Self-care can look like this:
- Binge-watching your favorite show
- Taking a hot bath
- Going for a walk in nature
- Reading a book
- Buying yourself something you like
- Cooking your favorite meal
- Hitting the gym
When it comes to taking care of yourself, there is no wrong way of doing it. You just need to listen to yourself and prioritize your needs.
7. Practice Self-Kindness
It’s not your fault if other people have mistreated you. You couldn’t have known the relationship, which started so well, would eventually become toxic. Therefore, learning not to blame oneself is a crucial first step in recovering from a toxic relationship.
Avoid harsh self-criticism by having conversations with yourself as you would with a trusted friend or loved one. Relax and understand that others have also experienced the pain of being in a toxic relationship. Take it easy on yourself as you work toward a full recovery and beyond.
8. Break the Trauma Bond
A healthy step toward recovery from a toxic relationship is to list the behaviors you will no longer tolerate. Then, when you’ve made up your mind to start meeting new people, you can set new boundaries that will help you attract the kind of relationships you want.
If you have discovered a similar trauma bond or pattern in other relationships, now is an excellent time to investigate whether an earlier traumatic experience may be reactivated.
9. Be Patient with Yourself and Focus on the Present
Nobody’s healing process is the same, and neither is the path to recovery. You should give yourself as much time as you need to recover because some days will be more challenging than others.
After ending a bad relationship, it’s natural to want to look back or try to plot out your next steps. However, the road to healing and moving on can be rocky and uncertain. So, focus on what is happening right now instead of worrying about the future or replaying the past.
Conclusion
There is no right or wrong approach to healing from a toxic relationship, and everyone’s healing process will appear different. All you need to know is that you can regain control of your life and thrive. The above suggestions are just the beginning. Use them to get rid of that toxic ex and move on with your life!