Last Updated on February 8, 2023
Pumpkin spice season is upon us once again, much to the chagrin of fall haters everywhere who insist it’s “too early,” and “fall doesn’t even start until the 21st, dude.”
Be that as it may, basic bitches everywhere are flocking to their local Starbucks in search of the beverage of our people, the Pumpkin Spice Latte (PSL). As a “basic bitch” myself, I ran to Starbucks the morning they rolled out their fall products. But what my barista was handing me from the drive-thru window was not a PSL but the far superior Pumpkin Cold Brew.
I do appreciate the PSL, don’t get me wrong. The iconic drink is a fall staple and helped put us basic bitches on the map. For years, I, too, gleefully sipped on the nectar of the basics every chance I got. There’s no denying it’s as tasty as it is festive. But, over the years, as my palette has become a little more sophisticatedly basic, I’ve come to realize that the PSL is really friggin’ sweet. Especially when I’m sitting in the grade school drop-off line at 7:45 am and find my hands shaking from the sudden infusion of caffeine and sugar.
Despite my disdain for the shakes, I still need my daily pumpkin spice fix. Enter the Pumpkin Cream Cold Brew. It’s pumpkin-y, festive, and even comes with the dusting of pumpkin spice that sits atop the cold foam like fall glitter. It’s far less sweet than the PSL and actually tastes like coffee as opposed to a pumpkin milkshake that happens to be caffeinated.
It delivers the pumpkin-y punch I need on a brisk fall morning, with 14 grams less sugar and 120 fewer calories than the PSL.
If you haven’t tried the Pumpkin Cold Brew yet, do it. And if you need your coffee to have a creamier consistency, add a splash of oat milk or almond milk.
You’ll thank me!
Next time, I’ll take you through the best and worst lower-calorie fall coffee hacks we found on TikTok. Until then, fall responsibly.